


Pain Is Never Permanent (But Tonight It's Killing Me)

by terramous



Series: tk needs a hug [2]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: ACAB but not Carlos Reyes, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Tarlos is mostly platonic/professional, because TK is damaged and Carlos understands, honestly just TK and Carlos holding each other, mentioned overdose, minimal dialogue tags bc im a lazy rat man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terramous/pseuds/terramous
Summary: "If not as a pseudo-boyfriend or a friend, talk to me as a cop. It’s my job to keep you safe and if you need help I’ll be right here for you. I can call someone for you, I can drop you home, I can take you to the hospital, I can hold onto your keys for the night. Hell, you can even spend a night down at the station if you feel like you won’t be able to handle it on your own. You are worthy of help, TK, it is not bad or burdensome to ask for it. I’ll stay with you until you ask me to leave.”TK takes Carlos up on his offer.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes & Owen Strand, Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand
Series: tk needs a hug [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1750006
Comments: 9
Kudos: 184
Collections: 9-1-1 Lone Star ▶ Carlos Reyes / Tyler Kennedy "TK" Strand





	Pain Is Never Permanent (But Tonight It's Killing Me)

**Author's Note:**

> A follow-up fic for Tomorrow May Never Come but this fic can honestly stand by itself if all you want is some wholesome supportive Tarlos. It's referenced but the gist is just that TK overdosed and Carlos found him. Angsty.

It was a calm patrol night. Nothing much happened, Carlos had been called to talk to some loitering teens and that was pretty much the only thing he’d done other than drive around Austin. That was until dispatch gave him an address.

His heart sunk. He didn’t even want to think about the last time he’d been to TK’s house. It started off fairly the same, he’d started his morning patrol only a few hours before being called to TK’s address. He’d spent the entire drive there hoping he was wrong about the house number that was TK’s, he had no doubt this time. Hoping that it was coincidentally a neighbour. He knew the chances of an overdose of a man in his mid 20s in TK’s neighbourhood not being TK was near impossible but he tried to hold onto hope. Until he got a name. Tyler Kennedy Strand, barely conscious on the floor of his bedroom. 

Carlos would never get that image out of his head. 

It came surging back to meet him as he started making the necessary turns to get to TK’s house. Blue lips. Pin-prick pupils. Clammy skin. Shallow breathing. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong.

He knocked on the door. “Austin PD.”

After a few minutes of waiting with no response, Carlos knocked again. “TK, can you open the door?”

Carlos tried the doorknob. Unlocked. “Alright, I’m coming in!” he announced as he pushed the door open. His heart was beating in his throat.

Thankfully, Carlos’ eyes fell on TK as soon as he opened the door. The firefighter was sat on the floor of the foyer, staring at his hands as he flexed his fingers. He didn’t appear to notice Carlos but as long as he was conscious and not on the precipice of death, Carlos was counting it as a win.

“Ty.” Carlos crouched down next to TK. He spoke softly as if he were trying not to startle a wild animal, “You okay?”

TK remained silent, fixated on the floor. Carlos reached out tentatively to touch TK’s shoulder, the firefighter didn’t even react to the contact. Not even a slight jump or sharper breath. 

Before he even registered what was happening, Carlos had his phone in hand. After a few rings, Owen picked up.

_“Carlos? Is everything okay?”_

“I’m not sure,” Carlos said, “I got dispatched to your place-“

Owen cut Carlos off mid-breath, _“Is TK okay?”_

“Yes- well- He’s alive and safe. But I’m worried, he’s quite out of it. Pretty much catatonic. Has this happened before? Should I get EMS?”

_“No, you’re okay. Just try to touch him and hold onto him. Hug him if you can. The contact helps ground him. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”_

And then Carlos was yet again alone with TK. 

“Hey, Ty. I’m going to touch you now, let me know if you want me to stop.” Carlos placed each hand on TK’s shoulders, rubbing his thumbs over the firefighter’s collar before slowly and carefully pulling TK into his lap. TK didn’t react or try to push Carlos away as the officer held him. His breath feathered over Carlos’ skin.

As they sat there, Carlos continued to rub his hands over TK’s back and shoulders in a manner he hoped was soothing, whispering reassurances to the firefighter.

“Thank you,” TK whispered into Carlos’ chest after a few long minutes.

“Of course. I told you I’d be here for you. But next time you could just call me. I nearly had a heart attack when I heard from dispatch.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’ll always be okay for you to ask for help.”

💙

The last thing Carlos thought he’d be doing tonight would be rocking up to the bar after his shift. But TK on the other end of his phone call had called him and begged Carlos to come. 

Stepping out into the night air, the cold wind bit at Carlos’ exposed skin. He slammed the door of his car maybe a little too hard as he hurriedly paced to the door, first aid kit in hand. Just in case. It wasn’t usually TK’s scene unless he was there with the crew which was definitely not the case at this time of night. The crowd parted as Carlos beelined to the bar. The uniform had that effect, partygoers who were probably breaking some law and even locals who knew him didn’t want to interfere with business. 

“Have you seen TK Strand around?” He asked the bartender who simply pointed to the men’s bathroom. “Thanks.” He offered her a smile before leaving the bar. 

As the door to the bathroom fell shut behind him, it provided a barrier between him and the patrons, dulling the noise significantly. No wonder this was where TK sought his refuge. The firefighter had tucked himself in the corner and was quite evidently shaking with his head pinned between his knees. 

“Tyler?” TK slowly lifted his head, letting out a sigh at the sight of the officer. “Hey,” Carlos offered, moving to squat next to his friend. 

“Hi,” TK sniffled, he’d been crying, the tear tracks still glimmering against his cheeks.

It took Carlos no time at all to notice that TK smelt like alcohol. He wasn’t going to push though. He was here to support TK, not to pressure him into talking. “What do you need from me?” 

“I relapsed. I’ve been drinking.” The sound of shame in TK’s tone wrenched at Carlos’ heart.

“It’s okay. That’s okay. What do you need?” 

“Can you take me home?” 

“No problem. Can you stand?”

Carlos supported TK as they left the bathroom, worried that if he weren’t millimeters away, that the firefighter would slip and crack his head open on something. TK seemed to be particularly accident prone sober, Carlos didn’t want to see how that changed intoxicated.

Shooting the bartender a polite smile, Carlos guided TK out of the bar and into the sobering air. “You doing okay?”

“I- Yeah,” TK’s words were slightly slurred but much less than any drunk person he’d ever met on-call. “I’m sorry that I’m so weak.”

“You’re not weak. This is a set back but one you’ll recover from. You’re one of the strongest people I know Ty. Imagine if anyone else had to go to a bar and just drink mineral water, they’d lose their mind yet here you are. You’ll be okay. You don’t have to apologise to me, I’m here to help you.” Carlos helped TK into the passenger seat of the car, setting the first aid kit down at his feet. 

TK looked at it incredulously. “Why did you have that?”

“Just in case. You’re danger-prone,” Carlos explained before getting in his own seat. Cranking the heating he turned to TK. “How much did you have to drink?”

“Not much. Too much.”

“You’ll be fine. This relapse isn’t the end of the world, okay? Just talk to your therapist and your sponsor about it, and maybe Captain Strand. And try not to go to bars by yourself if you can help it.”

“Thank you. For coming. For everything.”

Carlos shot TK a look as he started the car. “I’ll always be here if you need me.”

💙

Carlos stood outside the front door of the Strand household with his hands in his hoodie pockets because TK asked him to come and explicitly told him not to knock or ring the doorbell. 

The door opened to reveal TK sporting his own hoodie but with far more red-rimmed eyes. “You came.” He sounded surprised as if he hadn’t texted Carlos and asked him to come over. 

“Of course I did.”

TK thrust a key ring in Carlos’ face. “Can you keep these for the night?”

“Yeah sure,” Carlos took the keys and pocketed them, eyeing TK warily. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Stressed. Need to have a physical restriction.”

Carlos nodded in understanding. “Is Captain Strand home?”

“You can call him Owen, y’know? He is, he’s sleeping. Busy shift, he was really tired when we got home.” 

“Have you eaten?” Carlos’ voice was softer now, his eyes scanning TK’s fidgety form. The ever-present worry creeping back into the forefront of his mind. 

“I was gonna order something,” TK offered sheepishly, not meeting Carlos’ eyes.

“I’ll cook you something. I’d feel better if I knew you got something with nutritional value in your body.” Carlos paused, “If that’s okay with you, of course.”

“No you don’t have to. I’ll be fine.”

“Please? I’ll make something nice and you owe me.” TK looked confused. “For last time I was here,” Carlos elaborated. He knew TK was just going to brush it off, not wanting to talk about it but if it meant he could take care of TK when he wasn’t feeling 100%, he’d take it.

“I would think the man who saved my life would want a better repayment than to cook for me.”

“My choice.”

“Fine, you can cook something.”

TK settled himself onto the sofa as Carlos began scouring the kitchen. He averted his gaze from the hallway, feeling nauseous just recalling the memory of running down it to find TK on the ground. The two men settled into their own separate activities, Carlos chopping vegetables while TK watched TV. 

With a meal in the oven and dishes done, Carlos joined TK. But not before he could toss a blanket over the shivering firefighter. TK looked like he was about to protest that he wasn’t cold but something made him stop and accept the gesture with a timid, “Thank you.” 

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

“I know,” TK mumbled into the hem of the blanket, keeping his eyes firmly fixated on the screen.

“How are you?”

“I’m not okay.” TK’s voice cracked as he melted into rough sobs, surprising Carlos who scooted closer in an instant. 

TK was the president of the “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” club and Carlos knew that him admitting to not being fine was a lot. He didn’t press any further. “Can I hold you?”

TK nodded sharply. As if magic, he seemed to go slack the second he was in Carlos’ arms. The shaking eased and TK just panted against Carlos’ collarbone for a few moments.

“Are you alright?”

“Mmhmm,” TK grumbled into Carlos’ chest. “Thank you.” 

“No Problem.”

After having something to eat, TK was all but wrecked, basically falling asleep where he sat. Carlos nudged him enough to get him to lift his head. 

“C’mon, you should get to bed.” 

“No,” TK drawled. “I’ll sleep here.”

“Ty, this is a dining chair. You’ll wreck your back.” 

All he got in reply was an incoherent tired grumble. 

“Alright, let’s get you to bed then.” Before TK even knew what was happening he was being cradled against Carlos’ chest as the officer carried him down the hallway. Despite TK’s smaller frame he was not as light as most people Carlos carried bridal-style on the job. But it was only a short distance down the corridor.

The memory of TK’s bedroom made Carlos’ skin crawl so he, as quickly and and gently as he could, set TK down on the mattress and tucked some blankets over him. The young firefighter looked so peaceful and serene

Leaving the bedroom Carlos had the unfortunate luck to walk straight into Captain Owen Strand who looked surprised to see Carlos in his house as well as unimpressed that he’d just been slammed into by a six foot puppy. 

“Officer Reyes?”

“Captain Strand, hi.” 

“What brings you here?”

“TK wanted me to come over. He wasn’t having a good evening so I cooked for him and put him to bed. He asked me to hold onto his keys for the night so I’ll drop them off in the morning before his shift.”

Owen smiled at him, “thank you, Officer.”

“There’s also leftovers in the fridge if you want anything to eat. I could heat it up for you?”

“Son, I’ll marry you myself. But you’d best be going home and getting to your own bed.”

“Okay Captain Strand, I’ll see you in the morning when I return TK’s keys.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll drive him. Drop them off here or the firehouse whenever you can.”

Carlos nodded, “Okay sir.” Before moving down the hallway.

“Officer Reyes?”

“Mm?”

“Thank you for taking care of my boy.”

“Anytime.”

💙

“Reyes, you have a visitor!”

Carlos looked up from his paperwork and towards the door. There TK stood, looking small and nervous next to another officer, Rosales.

He was on his feet in seconds, not minding the smack of his chair into the desk behind him. On the balls of his feet, Carlos hurried to the door. “TK?” 

“Hey, Carlos.” 

Carlos eyed TK warily. “Did you get arrested again? I don’t see any cuffs.”

Pursing his lips into a fine line, TK shook his head but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll take it from here, Rosales.” Carlos smiled at his coworker. “Thank you.” He turned back to TK and softened his tone considerably. “Come with me.”

Officer Rosales gave him a weird look but left the two without saying anything. 

Seeing TK sat opposite him in the police station was giving Carlos deja vu. But at least this time there were no cuffs, no bruises blooming on TK’s face or blood on his collar. Just TK, in a black t-shirt, looking kind of lost. Carlos moved his paperwork so that he could keep an eye on TK while he filled it out, the scratching of his pen being the only thing filling the silence between them as Carlos waited for TK to speak. 

“What brings you to the police station at-” Carlos checked his watch,” 10pm?” Carlos asked, not looking up from his paper. 

TK spoke, he sounded ashamed and almost scared, “I don’t wanna be alone.”

The pen stopped moving and Carlos looked up. “Are you okay?” 

“I don’t know.”

Carlos held his breath but moved his hand in a way he hoped implored TK to keep talking. 

“Dad’s working and I would’ve called you but I knew you were on shift so I tried to handle it myself but I couldn’t. And at the hospital you said I could come here but you probably only said that because I almost died but I was just scared I’d do something I would regret if I was by myself- wow this is really inconsiderate of me you’re at work and here I am. I’m so sorry. I’ll go.” Carlos patiently listened to TK’s rambling before extending a hand to hold the firefighter’s. 

“No, it’s okay. I’m just doing paperwork for now and I’m really glad you came here. Please never feel bad about needing help. Even if I wasn’t just doing paperwork, we would have sorted out someone to stay with you until me or your dad could. Whether that be another officer or a member of the 126. Your safety is important, TK.”

TK didn’t speak. He just sat opposite Carlos and picked at his fingers in his lap. He looked tired, and cold. The choice of a black t-shirt was not one Carlos would recommend at this time of night so he fished around in the duffel bag under his desk for a few moments before tossing a bundle of dark grey cloth at TK. 

“I’m not cold-” TK protested as a shiver wracked his body. 

Carlos simply raised an eyebrow. “Put it on, Tyler.”

After awkwardly arranging his limbs inside the hoodie, TK gave Carlos a pointed look. “I feel like there’s an ulterior motive when I’m wearing your hoodie.” 

“Nothing romantic, you just looked cold. Additionally, you no longer look like you’re here to be charged with something.” Carlos’ eyes flickered down to the embroidered ‘Austin Police Department’ across the front of the hoodie. It was slightly too big for TK, the fabric seeming to swallow him whole. But he had stopped shivering. 

Noticing the design for the first time, TK snickered, “When do I get a gun and a badge?”

“You couldn’t be a cop, TK. You’re all about running into burning buildings and saving lives. This,” Carlos gestured to his pile of paperwork he was gently mulling his way through, “would not suit your need to constantly be in mortal peril.”

“Okay, rude.”

“I’m not wrong. Paperwork and breaking up bar fights are not your thing.” Carlos returned his attention to his paperwork as he and TK sat in silence. 

TK’s hand shooting across the desk startled Carlos from his work. TK was blinking sluggishly and shaking his head as if to clear his head. 

“Is everything okay?”

TK chuckled nervously, “Yeah. I guess I just dozed off for a second there.”

“I’ll make us some coffee.” 

“You don’t have to-”

Carlos cut him off, “I want to. I was gonna get myself one anyway, and you look like you need it.”

Standing up, Carlos leant over to ruffle TK’s hair, much to the firefighter’s dismay. He looked two full seconds away from falling asleep where he sat and Carlos still had a few hours left on the clock. They could both use a little pick-me-up.

Seeing as TK was face down on Carlos’ desk by the time the officer returned, there wasn’t really a need for the two mugs of coffee Carlos set down. 

“Want some coffee?” Carlos asked as he nudged TK’s shoulder, only to be met with a groan.

TK didn’t even lift his head to reply, “‘mm tired.”

“I can see that. I just don’t think this is a very comfortable place to sleep.”

“Don’t care.”

“I can call someone to take you home. I know Michelle has the night off. How about an uber?”

“Shhh. I’m asleep.”

“Alright, Tiger.” Carlos carded his fingers through TK’s hair. “Sweet dreams.”

💙

Carlos closed the door to his camaro firmly behind him as he staggered up the driveway to the firehouse. He couldn’t stop shaking. He couldn’t even think straight. All he knew was that he needed TK.

“Officer, you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Judd was the first firefighter to notice their visitor, his usual friendly quip replaced by concern. 

The strength left Carlos’ legs and he dropped to his knees on the floor of the firehouse almost instantly after crossing the threshold.

Michelle was there in seconds, supporting him in case he collapsed further. “‘Los? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” 

“TK. Where’s TK?” Carlos’ voice was trembling as his fingers twisted in Michelle’s uniform. 

“He’s upstairs.” 

Carlos absently noted Marjan taking off up the stairs as Michelle rubbed his back. He could always count on her being a mother hen despite their years of friendship. “What happened? Aren’t you supposed to be on shift?”

“I- TK,” Carlos was crying now, he couldn’t focus on anything, not even the increasing wetness of Michelle’s shirt. “I need TK.”

“Carlos?” At the sound of TK’s soft voice, it finally felt like Carlos could catch his breath. It didn’t take long before there was another set of hands on him, those reaching for, and cupping his face. Carlos never described himself as someone who yearns but there was nothing he had wanted more than TK’s touch in that very moment. 

As Michelle shifted, Carlos pulled TK onto the ground and into his arms. He buried his face in the crook of TK’s neck and inhaled his scent, relishing in the warmth of TK’s skin against his. It was a welcome reminder that TK was real. That he was there. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” TK whispered into Carlos’ hair, returning the embrace with no questions as Carlos continued to sob into his uniform. “You’re safe. I’m safe. It’s okay.”

Carlos exhaled heavily against TK’s shoulder before tilting his head back to meet TK’s worried eyes. TK who was safe and had been the entire time. 

“Are you hurt?” TK asked on Michelle’s behalf since Carlos’ crying had died down. 

Carlos shook his head, no. He didn’t really trust that if he opened his mouth he would do anything other than break down again. 

“Did something happen at work?”

A nod.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head again, reaching for TK’s wrist. As soon as he felt TK’s pulse point there was a steady thrum against his fingertips. It helped to ease him out of his panicked stupor. TK was alive and safe. 

TK regarded him slowly, absolutely taking note of Carlos’ touch on his wrist. It likely explained more than Carlos felt he could do with words at the time. “Alright. Come sit somewhere more comfortable.” 

It was then that Carlos noted that almost everyone had cleared the vicinity. Michelle lingered nearby, worried about her friend and Carlos could see Owen even further away, watching the situation carefully. TK gave them both a thumbs up to show them that Carlos wasn’t in any danger and TK could handle it. 

Taking Carlos’ hand, TK helped him to his feet and guided the officer through the firehouse. He was very slow and purposeful, seeing the weariness that just seemed to roll off of Carlos in waves and treating his friend with the care he needed right now. 

TK guided Carlos to sit down on a bed, draping a blanket around the officer’s shoulders as he sat opposite Carlos. 

Carlos blinked in surprise as TK offered his wrist for Carlos to hold onto, to feel the constant reassurance that TK was okay. He took it gratefully. 

“Feeling any better?” 

“Yes,” Carlos’ voice was raw and strained from crying and TK just continued to look at him with both fondness and worry. “Thank you.”

“If I can’t apologise to you, you can’t thank me. I think you forgot that this support system goes both ways, I’ll always be here if you need me.”

Carlos ducked his head away from TK’s soft gaze. “I’m sorry for coming. You’re at work for christ’s sake.”

“It’s okay. I’ll never blame you for coming to me when you need anything. No matter what it is or what time of day, I’m not going to be mad.” 

“I just needed to see you. Make sure you were okay.”

“And here I am. I’m perfectly okay, sweetheart.” Carlos didn’t even flinch at the pet name. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“I-” Carlos shuddered. “There was a domestic call and I responded to it. Routine stuff. But once we got her out of the house he was on the floor and I just knew what it was. He overdosed. Opiods.”

“And it reminded you of me.”

“Yeah. And then we lost him even though I had narcan in my bag and the paramedics were only a minute or two behind me. It just didn't work. I couldn’t help thinking of that happening to you.” Despite his efforts, a sob broke past his lips. 

TK used his free hand to rub circles on Carlos’ knee. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I know how hard it was for you to see me like that, I never wanted that for you.”

“I’m just so glad you’re okay. My captain sent me home early because she thought I was about to keel over. I drove here and I just couldn’t stop shaking.”

As if on cue, Owen entered the room with two glasses of water, handing one to each of them. Carlos’ thank you was quiet as he pressed the rim to his lips and took an eager sip. He was beginning to feel a headache from all of his crying. 

“I thought I should check on you boys.” 

“Thanks, Dad.” TK smiled at his father. 

Owen placed a hand on Carlos’ shoulder and gave it a comforting pat. Carlos tried valiantly to not lean into the touch but Owen’s prescence was just so fatherly and comforting that he couldn’t help it. 

“I hope you’re feeling better, son.” Owen murmured before turning to his actual son. “You should take him home. Stay with him. You both need it.” 

“But my shift isn’t over for another three hours,” TK objected. 

Owen waved him off. “You can make them up another day. Take care of Officer Reyes or Michelle will have your head.” 

“I’m fine to go home myself, sir. TK can stay,” Carlos tried to excuse but Owen saw right through him.

“You two need some time to yourselves. It can be rough sometimes and it’s okay to need support sometimes.”

As Owen left the two again, Carlos allowed himself to sink into TK, resting his head in the firefighter’s lap. “Thank you.” 

“We should go.”

“Mmm.” 

Carlos let TK take his hand as they left the firehouse, finding the contact soothing even as he felt the eyes of everyone else on him.

“Hope you’re alright, Reyes!” Someone, Judd, called after them.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from: December - Neck Deep 
> 
> [tumblr](https://firefighterstrand.tumblr.com/)


End file.
